October 23, 2025

Dear Activities Director,

I understand that I somehow ended up on the list to sign up for every club in existence.

However, I’d now like to unsubscribe.

The IVF Club made me super strong — I mean, their mantra is #IVFWarrior.

The Boy Moms Club is so fun and has helped me laugh at the little things. Like the “waterfall,” which happens nightly when my son’s body touches the hot water in the bathtub and he immediately pees — aiming directly at me like it’s a sport.

The NICU Club taught me patience like nothing else could. Because every single day is five steps forward and 626,383,836 steps back. It’s where you learn to expect the unexpected (shout out Big Brother) and appreciate the smallest miracles.

Then there are the other clubs:
The Wives Club, the Sisters Club, the Daughters Club.
The clubs for Divorce, for Teachers, for Stay-at-Home Moms, for Homeowners, and Friends.
The clubs for Board Games, Card Games, Video Games, and Traveling.

I love the clubs. I really do.

But I didn’t want to sign up for this one.
The MC Club.

This club hurts.

This is now my second time joining, and I really, really want to cancel my membership.

Yesterday, I found out my baby stopped growing.
Today, I’m losing her.

I pass giant clots and cry by myself in the bathroom.
I grunt on the floor while trying to entertain my almost 7-month-old through the pain of losing this baby — both physical and mental.

I’m exhausted. Physically and mentally.

The last week in limbo was terrible. I hoped beyond hope that the appointment yesterday would be different — that we’d see a little heartbeat and cry happy tears, knowing it was all going to be okay.

But that’s not what happened.

We both left crying, knowing that this baby we already loved wouldn’t make it earth-side.

We celebrated with so many people — the amazing miracle that, after all this time, my body finally figured it out. That not only did it make Noah (with the help of science), but all on its own — well, with Mike’s help — it created life.

No needles. No lab work. No transfer. Just a miracle.

But my body didn’t figure it out. Somehow, for some reason, this life stopped growing, and I’ll never get to meet her.

Now my body is suffering as it delivers a loss.

For anyone who has suffered a miscarriage: you are seen.
And I’m so, so sorry you had to join this club.

I’m trying to cancel my membership. Once I figure out how, I’ll send directions to anyone who needs them.

Until then — love, light, and grace.

You are strong.
You can do this.
No matter the circumstances.